Some people are happy to tell you: what’s inside is the only thing that matters. They tell you this to reassure you that you are truly Yourself. They tell you to just trust your guts.
And there isn’t a single person who doesn’t also have a knot in that very gut. The world outside always rains in. What we are on the inside isn’t all rainbows, hopes and dreams. It is also fear. We are afraid of ourselves: of who we are, of who we were, of who we want to be. We are afraid of the outside: of who hates us, of who sees us, of who doesn’t. Whatever it is that’s outside of us, it’ll come in, whether we want it or not. We trust our guts: they tell us to be afraid when we should be.
People tell us that what’s inside is the only thing that matters. What’s inside is also Fear.
And our fear is legitimate. There are predators out there who wish us harm. There are opportunists who, when lifted up, leave us on the ground. There are fires to put out in every building and our attention and energy is limited. This means that our fear is not only legitimate, but also reasonable.
To have a reason for fear is brutal, grotesque and unfair, but it’s real. It’s real, and it’s inside of us. What’s inside is the only thing that matters.