Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? In this season of looking forward, meeting family and friends, or simply taking some time off during the darkest days of the year, I want to propose to look back a little.
I made my first consciously queer friend about ten years ago. She was the first person I ever came out to, and the first to celebrate it with me. We cycled across small towns, like lesbians do. We went to concerts and invented new soups. We kvetched and shopped and danced to Gaga. Basically, we were besties.
Even best friends have reasons to break up, but that’s not what we’re going to talk about. I was learning to deal with my anxiety and I lost friends that way. We both moved to other countries. It happens. What’s more important is to remember the friendship. She may be gone from my life, but I think about her now and then. I think about how she made me.
She taught me to articulate and embrace my queerness after years of fear, internalised hatred and ignorance. She was there for me when I needed to learn who I was.
Now, ten years on, I still fondly think of my old friend. I think of her, somehow, still as a friend. A friend who happens not to know my name. But I think that, if we were to meet again, that we could talk. And I hope that she would be proud of me.
For the season, indulge me, and think back on your old friends. Remember the ones that were good to you. It’s okay to lose touch. But remember, privately if you must, that every step along the way lead you here, and be thankful they allowed you to move on.